My Christmas Miracle

Last Sunday I experienced a miracle! Yeah you heard it right...A miracle... I call it my Christmas Miracle and what was that miracle thou asketh me... Well, I met a great auto fella who was extremely good unlike the rest of his malevolent tribe!

Those who travel regularly by auto will understand the point I am trying to make. It easier to find rain in Rajasthan than a good auto person whose aim in life is not to con you out of your hard earned money (I am hoping my boss will agree to the latter part).

Anyways, last Saturday the impossible happened. I finally managed to meet a good one.

It so happened, I was invited to a Barbeque party on Sunday evening and by a stroke of bad fortune, I managed to lose my cell phone on Saturday at a Christmas Concert. Which effectively meant I could not contact half of the people I know, as I am terrible at remembering phone numbers?

Thankfully, I had the address and my friend’s number scribbled in my pocket notepad. I hailed the auto person who agreed to take me to HSR. But after going in circles for 30 mins, we still couldn’t find the place. He suggested I call my friend, but I told him I didn’t have a mobile. Then he did something unbelievable, He took out his own cell phone and offered it to me to make the call. After my friend instructed him drop me at a place known to him, he dropped me with an apology for his inability to take me to the right place.

I was still standing in stunned acceptance of the whole thing, when my friend came and whisked me off to the party place. The whole evening, passed in pleasant recollection of the whole experience.

Isn’t it great...? This Christmas thing!?

My Christmas Wish List

Christmas is round the corner! It's a time to give and receive!

While I was attending my nth Christmas party, a wish list gradually started forming in my mind cluttered with choir practices, shopping lists, Christmas programs and the works. I Know, I know, I am too old for the traditional stocking, but hey there is a child in every one of us so keeping in line with that splendid thought… Santa, here’s my very simple list for Christmas…

- My childhood/baby pictures (I don’t have a single one :( )
- To hear my little sister’s laughter on Christmas morn (This is one of those years when I am not joining family for Christmas, *Sigh*)
- The Hugo Boss ‘Deep Red’ perfume (That I know may not be a very simple wish item , but I am hoping my generous brother gets one for me when he visits India this year.. after all that’s what elder brothers are for right ;>)
- A chance to grab a backpack and travel across the world meeting new people, listening and recalling their stories.
- My green hooded sweater, I lost in a greenroom while I was hosting an event a few years ago.
- The 7 cellphones I lost! (I know some of you must be rolling with laugher on this one, but hey it’s a wish list)
- One good meal cooked by my mom made of Varan-Bhat, baingan ka bharta and bhendi chi bhaaji
- A chance to meet Rahul Gandhi (We shared the same room space at the IISC young professionals conference, but sadly he was and is still unaware of my existence, sob sob)
- A good tailor! (The last good one I had moved across the town! Why does this happen to Me!)
- My collection of trophies I won in my college days, which lies neglected somewhere at my sister’s friends place in Belgaum ( I would love to have a look at them and relive those amazing moments)
- My own private library with loads and loads of books! (I am actually drooling right now)

- And last but not least some TIME for myself which I can spend in that library !

Gate crashing a state dinner

So the Salahis' gate-crashed Obama’s State dinner?! Big deal!

Our politicians and celebrities back home have been gate-crashing not only private parties (How do you think Vivek Oberoi feeds himself ?) but numerous other social events without anyone raising an eyebrow and the MNS are not just gate-crashing but also crashing tables and chairs and human heads among other things.

It was the Salahis' impudent bid for fame so let’s give it to them. After all, it’s not really their fault that the security had loopholes and they managed to grab their chance of a lifetime. In fact, I think the ones most surprised must be the Salahis' themselves. I am sure they never dreamt they’d make it to the tent on the South Lawn of the White House, leave aside the president himself.

Well, they got their fame (or notoriety), their dollars (if they get the six-figure they are quoting for their first network television interview) or prosecution (if the secret service or senators decide to press charges).

We are unsure what happens to the Salahis' next, but some of the things that are bound to happen are:

-This incident having inspired many small time gate-crashers to think ‘big’ will result in a sudden surge of gate-crashes from a regional level to international level
-Ram Gopal Verma will want to visit the tent on the South Lawn of the White House to see if he can use it for his next movie.
-Osama Bin Laden will contemplate doing away with his beard and coloring his hair blond to try sneaking into the White House
-The morale of the Indian Police will be lifted (who said they are better than us! Amriki-hindi bhai bhai!)
-Obama will write another book called simply ‘The audacity’

So in a way this was an interesting experience for many.

The only person feeling sore about the whole thing is Manmohan Singh; His thunder was once again stolen by a ‘foreigner’!

Copyright (C) Neha Shinde 2009

Missing Mobiles

I lost my mobile phone. Again!

For those who know me well, I am sure it’s a kind of relief. Now you know I haven’t changed over the years. In fact, when I conveyed this to a few of my good friends, I got messages and mails congratulating me on my latest loss.

One of them went into throes of joy and mentioned how he made money by betting on me losing my phone this year. Yet another suggested that I tie up with a mobile company for a regular supply of mobile phones.

For those of you who have randomly stumbled upon this blog and are wondering what the fuss is all about - I have a knack of losing mobile phones.

Not a year has passed without me losing a phone either through my own carelessness of the vile nature of some specimens of humans I have encountered.

Till date I have lost 6 phones. Here are the statistics….

2 were stolen from my hostel/flat ,I left 2 in the autos, 1 was unwillingly contributed to the city of Chennai when I left it in a hotel lobby and 1 was audaciously snatched from me while I was on the phone on my way home.

6 phones, 6 stories and 6 different reactions. From crying heartbrokenly the first time I lost it to nonchalantly making my way to the nearest Nokia showroom after realizing my loss... I have come a long way.

There was a time when I nearly lost my phone but it was a false alarm! I was on my yearly Christmas trip to Pune last year and on the last day of my stay, went to get some ‘bhakarwadis’ for my friends back in Bangalore. When I reached home I realized my phone was missing, my brother knowing my mobile history promptly went and bought me another phone. As I was checking-in my luggage at the Pune airport, the airline official requested me to remove my phone from my bag. That’s when I realized that cunning little instrument was neatly snuggling under a kurta !

But, through it all I have been very brand loyal. Nokia, Nokia & Nokia all the way! Not once did I think of switching to Sony or Motorola. I could actually feature as Nokia’s most patronizing customer! And I am most willing to accept a token of appreciation in the form of their latest model, which I will in due course of time dutifully lose.

Anyways, that my mobile story. For more updates, watch out this space a year later!

Copyright (c) 2009 Neha Shinde

Shifting houses and a discovery

I recently shifted places, moved from my PG accommodation to a shared flat.

I came to Bangalore with a huge suitcase, 3 bags and a guitar.

Today I have 1 huge suitcase, 12 bags and a guitar!

And this guitar is not the one that accompanied me on a Saturday afternoon on SpiceJet couple of years ago. It and it's immediate successor met with sad demises in my old residence.

But we are deviating; the focus here is on the 12 bags!

I am still trying to figure out how my luggage multiplied so quickly !

And I end up with one word – Shopping!

Weekend shopping sprees, impulsive shopping, shopping when I am bored, shopping when I go out to assist friends in shopping, Shopping when I feel like it, Shopping when I don’t feel like it…

Now, I am on a clothes donating spree, mercilessly fishing stuff out of those 12 bags and making mental allocations.

But some things are hard to let go of...

Like my old party clothes which I have accumulated thanks to my MBA theme parties and the thousand other parties I was a part of owing to the enterprise called ‘socializing’. I know I may not wear them again but they are so attractive and cost me a pretty penny, I just don’t want to give them to any random person. As a result, I am still on the outlook of someone who will appreciate them.

Then there are the thousand books I have picked up over the few years in Bangalore. Management books, biographies, gospel literature, novels, interesting magazines …all of them find their way to my table. And I hate giving away books!

I also have little things that have some sentimental value attached to it...Like the name tag of the first international conference I gave a presentation in Bangalore, the palm leaf cross I made on Palm Sunday, a beautiful wooden keychain a friend made and gifted me, A embroidered handkerchief my sister made for me.

Some many such things , no wonder my luggage looks like a combination of Barnes & Nobles and Walmart.

I am looking forward to the day when I shall be back to 3 bags.

Till that day arrives, I think I visit Lifestyle to lighten the spirit …

Copyright (c) 2009 Neha Shinde

An unexpected rain shower

Yesterday, we had an unexpected shower of rain in Bangalore. It was amazing ! Since the past couple of days we’ve been enjoying an incredible weather.There’s a little chill mixed with the damp air and just the right amount of freshness.

I’ve been rushing often to our rooftop cafeteria just to feel the cool breeze and watch the traffic below. I am a little concerned that the café guy might think that I am totally jobless, but it isn’t often you get such wonderful weather at this time of the year.

I love this city. With its funny idiosyncrasies, its cosmo lifestyle, cheap eateries and expensive restaurants. It's traffic...It's never-ending Traffic!

I love it's Sukh and Shanti sagars !

I love it that there is a place for everyone here no matter where you come from; I love it that there are no Thackerays here claiming it for their own. I love the young call center and IT professionals eagerly crowding Forum & Garuda malls on weekends.

I love its crosses and mains ! Its parallel roads and thousand alleys.

I am learning to love its auto drivers ! Learning ..

I love it that when you stand on MG road, you’ll hear a babble of tongues muttering at least half a dozen languages.

And I love it even more even more when it rains at unpredictable times!


copyright(c) 2009 Neha Shinde

Das, our friend

I was talking to a friend the other day and he said something very interesting -“some friends are forever and some come for a season”

Das probably came for a quarter of a season.

There was a time in Pune, when I was waiting for my MBA admission and had nothing to do, so I took up a filler job at Aptech as a counselor. It was a branch office and thus a very small establishment with just a handful of staff including, Das who was the office boy. Well, boy would be a misrepresentation since he was married with a 3 year old daughter.

Since it was a pastime job, seriousness had not set in me. In fact all of us working there were young and doing this as a stop gap arrangement.

The center was recently established and IT as an indstry was going through a slowdown, so we didn’t get too many students and had plenty of time to ourselves. We used to have a gala time exchanging stories and experiences during lunch time and tea time.

That’s when Das’s skills as a story teller would surface and he would enthrall us with his various past experiences including one as a movie theater projectionist. He had a very animated face and did an excellent job of imitating people that had us in splits.

One of my fondest memory of the place is, the whole gang sipping on chai and eating Parle G biscuits while listening to Das narating an exciting story.

Though he was an office boy, he was extremely intelligent. In fact, he learned MS office just by listening to the lectures we conducted for our students and practicing in the lab. He spoke reasonably good English and loved going out. He would always turn up in the flashiest of clothes for any outing we had. He was all for fun and adventure.

Soon I moved out of Aptech and so did most of the gang, we tried keeping in touch via emails and phone calls (this was before Facebook took over the cyber space) but it’s not always that easy and soon drifted apart.

But thanks to a friend’s initiative of reconnecting, we got back in touch and that's when I came to know that Das had passed away a year ago. He was dancing in some Ganesh procession, got a heart attack and died.

Just like that.

Sometimes I feel sad that none of us were there at his funeral or with his family in their grief. But then, I console myself with the thought that the last image of Das in my mind will always be that of a slightly plump man with an infectious grin and an expressive face recounting yet another of his numerous fables.

Copyright(c) 2009 Neha Shinde

A tryst with destiny !

They say opportunity knocks only once and it’s often when you are taking your afternoon siesta.

My chance of a lifetime slipped by me, a few years ago when I was doing my MBA in Pune.

One boring day, my classmate and I decided to play hookey and go for an afternoon of shopping on MG road.

After a couple of hours of making our wallets lighter and our backpacks heavier, we headed towards Marz-o-rin, the sandwich place for a bite.

We were walking through the lonely lane adjacent to Marz-o-rin and as usual, I was talking nineteen to dozen with my friend R, who was patiently (and I suspect inattentively) listening. It was while I was in the middle of a passionate plea for improving the kanda pohe served in our college canteen, R suddenly stiffened and gasped.

After a second, she grasped my hand, gave one glance backwards and whispered, “Did you see him?” Seeing my blank look she whispered more urgently “It’s HIM, Sanjay Leela Bansali ! He just walked past us “. Well, she actually said “ Sanjay Leela Bengali” in her excitement. But Bansali is a Bengali so, I’ll let it pass.

I turned around and saw the back profile of a man with a Marz-o-rin bag in his hand. But I had serious doubts that the famous director would be roaming the streets of Pune on a sunny afternoon and conveyed that to R. But she insisted “Don’t you see, he also has a pierced ear, that’s him definitely”. “Maybe someone who looks like him” I replied still unconvinced.

Then I did something that R still hates me for. I cupped my hands and in the direction of the retreating figure yelled “Yoooooooooooooooo, Sanjay Leela Bansali , are you ? Bansali Bansali, I don’t think so “.The figure stopped, turned halfway, (Enough to let me know it WAS the famous director) turned back and walked away.

Stunned for a moment, we slowly made our way to Marz-o-rin and found the whole place in a flurry. (This was just after Devdas was released, so the hype was understandable). Many of them had his autograph and all that.

R gave me a pained look, and unhappily commented if I had not made such an idiot of myself in front of the director, we’d probably be admiring our autographs right now and boasting about meeting Bansali to our future generations and maybe also starring in a Bansali movie as a Bansali discovery. I had a tough time convincing her that I was not out to sabotage her film career and finally pacified her by giving her my favorite silver hoop earrings she admired.

Well, R is happily married now , Bansali discovered Sonam Kapor and poor me has only a 'near-meeting' with Bansali in my kitty.

So, in case you meet the man, tell him he owes me a pair of silver earrings !

Copyright(c) 2009 Neha Shinde

A Noble Thought

Just when you thought Europe had turned over a new leaf and had given up playing practical jokes, here comes another one- Barack Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize!

Not that I am complaining, It’s been a while since I accepted the indubitable fact that it’s not a perfect world. If Bill Gates can receive the Indira Gandhi Peace Prize why grudge the man his Nobel.

The unabashed sycophants that we are, we decided to meet the man himself and get his reactions on this surprise win.

Over to MS, our corrospondent at the White House…

MS: Congratulations, Mr. President. This is another notable achievement in your political career. How do you feel?

Obama: To be honest, I don’t even know how I got there. A few months ago, I was filling some forms which I thought were for a free trip to an amusement park called ‘Notably Noble’. The kids wanted to go somehwere and I figured this was a good place.The next thing I know is I get a Nobel prize ! I tell you, my staff is so careless.

But of course, my advisers tell me my official stance is, “I am deeply humbled by the decision of the Nobel committee”, about whom you must tell me more about someday.

MS: Well, anyways it worked out good for America. A lot of people think you are not a worthy recipient. What’s your take on it?

Obama: What nonsense, who is more worthy than me? I am THE orator; in fact my wife calls me orator Obama. Actually, she also calls me sugar baby , but I am not getting into that. Anyways, my speeches are just what people want to hear. In fact, I am a tad annoyed that I did not get the nobel prize for literature as well. My book ‘Audacity of Hope‘really deserves more respect that what it’s getting.

MS: Talking about your wife, what does she think?

Obama: Hehe Michelle rarely thinks. I thought she made it pretty clear by her earlier speeches. But yes she thinks we need new bed spreads and our living room lighting could do with some enhancement, not to mention the garden design. She also insists on a wardrobe change, which I think a lady has a right to. Yes, she is excited about the million dollars.

MS: After the Noble, what does Obama aspire?

Obama: The Grammy of course , you should hear me sing in the shower ! I rock, baby I rock!

Yes ...You do rock Mr. President! You rock !

Copyright(c) 2009 Neha Shinde

Out of Office

I was recently reading a mail on funny out of office messages and it made me wonder what the OOO messages of certain celebrities would be. Take a look .....

Ramalinga Raju – Hi, I am not in office anymore. But the time I was there I had a field day taking the investors, customers & employees on a trip! I will respond to your mail after I am back, that is if you haven’t killed yourself over the falling Satyam share prices.

Anil Ambani – I am out because of some gas problem.. no no its not THAT gas, its the other thing- gasoline. I will reply once I have made a bigger fool of myself in print and on television.

Shahrukh Khan – My name is Khan and for the record, I dislike airports, especially the ones in America. Anyways, I am not in office. In case you have any ideas on how can I get media mileage over trivial issues, I might consider replying your mail.

Jaswant Singh – I am not in office and it’s not my fault. It’s the crappy management- they are just not open to new ideas, whatever happened to secularism. Anyways, for any updates please follow me to my new office in Pakistan.

Dawood Ibrahim – I am on extended business travel and have intermittent access to email. I will reply to your mail once these interpool guys are less active.

Shahid Kapoor – I am forry I am not in office. Bufy with promoting my new movie. In cafe you want more information on my new movie 'Kaminey' , please call my fecratary and fhe will affift you.

Ekta Kapoor- Kyonki I am not in office, and you have a Khwaish to get in touch with me, but its your Karam that I am not there , so requesting you to wait patiently for my reply. I will reply. Kasam Se.

Harbhajan Singh- I am in the field watching some monkeys...No , not the cricket field, I mean the khet in sadda Punjab.And the mail you sent me better be important or else my right hand might just get out of control again.

Raj Thakre - I am out making crazy speeches at a Maharashtra Navnirman Sena meeting . If you are mailing to find out our navnirman plan for the state you are wasting your time, we don't have any . However, if you have any suggetions on how to make Maharashtra ony for Marathis , I will get back to you . If you are not a marathi manoos my goons will get back anyways.

Copyright(c) 2009 Neha Shinde

Classifying a tribe called 'Friends'

Last month we celebrated Friendship Day. When I say ‘we’ I mean the adolescents of our planet earth primarily concerned with hormonal changes and pimple problems, the young adults primarily concerned with career growth and promotions, the adults primarily concerned with tax skirting and property acquisition and of course Archies who made their usual buck by overcharging us for flimsy toys and sugary candies and overtly sentimental cards. ‘We’ does not include the senas of the world and the ‘I-am–beyond-this–foreign baloney’ sons of the soil

So, on this occasion or rather the occasion that has passed this year but shall arrive again next year to empty our shallow pockets, I made a humble attempt at classifying the tribe of friends we encounter in our endeavor to align to the ‘man is a social animal’ theory.

The Adventurer
This is the one to whom all the exciting things happen, be it getting free gift vouchers for participating in a silly survey at a mall or a chance meeting with Lara Dutta at an exclusive pub. The one who goes on short trips to Mexico and treks the Sahyadri in monsoon.

The Adventurer’s life makes yours look like a cactus living in the corner of a teacher’s backyard. The one you want to hang out with but never get to meet, because you always get his answering machine saying’ Hi, I am currently on vacation , leave a message and I’ll get back’ He never gets back !

The Whiner
This is the type whose sole ambition in life is to crib about anything and everything. Tends to finds fault with everything including his wife’s cooking, his cousin’s father-in-laws dogs barking, Angelina Jolie’s lifestyle and Sonia Gandhi’s hairstyle.

Tends to make absurd statements like how the failing monsoons have contributed to the loss of his sister-in-law’s cousin’s hair in Sidney. To be avoided if one is in a good mood or on one’s way to a party or movie.

The Informer
The information hub of everything conceivable. Is affectionately nicknamed named “Wiki’ by grateful recipients of trivia that he generously belts out. So, if you want to know what that nerdy guy in your biology class is doing right now, where you can get the best momos in Bangalore, who is Jennifer Aniston’s latest boyfriend or where can you get the best vacation deal to Goa - ‘wiki’ is the one to go to!

The Inquirer
Born with an insatiable curiosity, the Inquirer will tirelessly ask questions both personal and otherwise without any trace of embarrassment. What’s your salary? Where did you get these earrings? Did you see Sahid’s new movie? Are you seeing anyone? What did you do on Sunday?
Is a modern day adaptation of yesterday’s grandmother minus the wrinkles and the ability to make aam ka aachar.

Would be interesting to see how the Informer reacts to the Inquirer.

The Philosopher
Passes through life with an air of superiority and an open mockery of anything remotely materialistic. Easily identifiable by his long hair and flowing kurtas. Show him your new blackberry and he will look at it with disdain, then at you again with disdain , deeply sigh and make a comment ‘Ah, the price of connectivity! How much profitable to spend a day in the tulip fields and commune with nature ‘. Loves to debate on anything under the sun and tricks you into unwanted debates by asking ‘Define Success’ while you unsuspectingly tell him about the new job you just got.

To be tactfully handled by giving a copy of ‘Corpus Aristotelicum’ kept handy for such occasions

Copyright (C) 2009 Neha Shinde

A whiff of the past

Yesterday, I bought a perfumed deodorant from Nilgiris and its fragrance (citrus and floral) immediately transported me back to my college days in Belgaum when I swore by ‘Oriflame ‘

It’s uncanny, isn’t it? How certain smells bring specific memories and time periods to your mind.

Like every time I pass hawkers selling flowers on the footpath and I get a whiff of jasmine fragrance , I get reminded of my early childhood in Sholapur , where my dad’s sisters used to wear jasmine flowers ( called ‘gajra’ in Marathi) in their hair.

I love the smell of frying onions :) , I think it’s the most appetizing smell in the world! The smell of frying onions reminds me of home..Comfy and cozy home – a place where mom cooks the yummiest dishes , dad dispenses pearls of wisdom over a cup of chai , brother battles with me over the remote ( ya we still do that at our age ! ) and my sister and I exchange notes on fashion . Ah how I miss home!

Similarly, the smell of tea transports me to the time when I was in Pune living with my Grandma. I was working with Aptech as a counselor for about 3 months while I was waiting for my MBA admission. I used the famous tumtum ( six-seat auto to the uninformed ) for transport and on my way back, the auto stand which was next to a chai ki tapiri would get enveloped by a tantalizing smell of tea and frying pakodas and I would long to reach home to have my own cuppa .

The smell of lemons brings memories of my holidays in Sangli where my dad’s sister lived. She had a variety of fruit trees in her backyard including a lemon tree which produced oodles and oodles of lemons. My cousins and I had a gala time picking lemons, making nimbu paani, or just eating it with salt. Invariably, one of us would land up with a sore throat and my aunt would warn us from eating any more of those sour treats. But none of us cared and continued on our lemon eating spree much to her chagrin.

On to some commercial smells, the smell of Rasna reminds me of summers in Ludhiana where I grew up. I can visualize my brother and me on a hot summer afternoon, the fan on at its full capacity, reading Enid Blyton’s Famous Five and sipping on Rasna kala khatta .

Rooafzah again takes me back to a particular time when I had just started working after my MBA. I shared a flat with a few friends and we used to wash down our breakfast with Rooafzah. Not that we particularly enjoyed the taste but I had bought a bottle in a bust of health consciousness and was stuck with it, so my friends chipped in to finish off my misery quickly. Thank God for good friends !

Commercial or non commercial, it’s always wonderful to be transported to a place and time you left behind , Isn’t it?

Copyright(C) 2009 Neha Shinde

An Evening with Osama

Osama (of the Bin Laden variety) was spied on the busy Commercial Street in Bangalore last Saturday. He would have ideally escaped attention given the mask he was sporting like everyone else, thanks to the Swine Flu hype. But when he removed his mask to bite into a juicy kebab, he was invariably recognized. Mahavir Sanvi , the famous talk show host who happened to be there invited him to the studio for a quick chat.

Over to MS...

MS : So Osama thanks for agreeing to be on our show and a special thanks for agreeing not to burn the port wine magnolia bush at the entrance of our studio, it cost us quite a tidy sum, in fact it’s more than what my producer pays me.

OBL: Salaam and sorry I know I got a little carried away. You see, I always get agitated with anything to do with bush. But since I had already completed my daily quota of bush burning, I was inclined to let this one go.

MS: Thanks ever so much for that .Now to our interview, the question on everybody’s mind is what made you go for the twin towers.

OBL: Well, it’s a long story. You see, as a child I travelled a lot by American Airlines. But these foolish people kept goofing up my meals, not allowing me extra baggage, not even my favourite kabuli chanas and then they made this huge fuss about me getting 2 lion cubs with me. It was not that I was being troublesome; I even offered to check them in with the rest of my luggage. But the lady just shrieked and kept screaming ‘twin terror ‘! Much ado about nothing really! I guess that’s how my hatred for anything ‘twin’ and ‘American’ began. The moment I saw those two towers, I knew I would get my revenge.

MS: Osama, you are the most hunted man on earth, how do you mange to hide yourself?

OBL: Well, I have to thank Bollywood for that. You see these Hindi directors are so fixated with featuring Osama in their movies; I always get to act my real self in at least half a dozen movies every year. Of course these guys don’t know they are hiring the real thing. In fact, I am in negotiation with a certain south director to make a movie with me in the lead. That’s one of the reasons I am in Bangalore. Of course, financing will not be a problem as we just got paid for a large ammunition consignment we delivered to a nefarious gang in Pakistan.

MS: But would someone make a movie on Osama?

OBL: If they can make one on Dawood Ibrahim why not me? I personally believe I have accomplished much more than him. My work speaks for myself.

MS: Let’s talk about your future plans. What do you plan to do next?

OBL : A lot really, apart from the movie, I also plan to write a book. In fact all this abducting of journalists that you keep hearing about is just a step in that direction. Since I am too busy to do my own writing, I am outsourcing them to these professionals.

Professionally too, it’s been a while since I did something. The job is not challenging anymore.

But I have some plans and I don’t mind revealing that I have my eye on something starting with ‘R’ in India

MS: (gasping in horror): Oh My god! You don’t mean the Rashtrapati Bhavan, do you ?

OBL: Oh no no ... (Blushing) I meant Rakhi Sawant !

Copyright (C) Neha Shinde 2009

The Jackson Connection

The untimely death of the King of Pop brought varied reactions from various people of various shapes , sizes and colours. While Usher crooned, Paris cried, Brooke eulogized, Debbie squabbled over the kids and the rest of the world jammed Google with their Jackson searches, I had my own interesting experience on this. Something I am not really proud of, but then what the heck!

Here’s an excerpt of the conversation of my discovery of the star’s death:-

June 26th 2009 : Having quit my earlier firm a day before, I am relaxing and trying to unwind before I take up the baton again, when I get an sms from my colleague, Abraham in the morning saying " Jackson died, I am depressed” .I immediately rack my memory for any uncle, brother , friend, nephew ,cousin with a name Jackson that Abraham might have mentioned in our earlier conversations . Failing to recollect any such person, I tentatively dial his number to offer my condolences.

Me: Hey, hi I am really sorry about this.
Abraham: (In a choked voice): Yeah, this is not fair , why him ? So young!
Me: (Still furiously thinking) Yes, I know life is not fair. But it’s said whom the gods love die young
Abraham: (all weepy now) He sure did . I am so miserable..

All this while I am at my wit’s end trying to figure out if this was his favourite cousin ,Jack or his friend ,Jackie , after all both could be a short form for Jackson.

Me: So, aammm were you very close?
Abraham : huh ?
Me: (Now, convinced this is the cousin we are talking about) I mean you were related to him from your father’s side or mother’s side ?
Abraham: What , who me, no ..I am talking about MICHAEL JACKSON you idiot . He died yesterday!

The shade I blushed into would have put a ripe tomato to shame!

Me: (stammering) : Oh, the singer ? He died?
Abraham: (almost screaming) It’s splashed all over the place. Don’t you read the papers? Where do you live ? in a cave?
Me (Indignantly) I am on vacation!
Abraham: ( Hysterical now) You must be the only one on the planet , who doesn’t know...

And He hung up, probably to give a full vent to his grief of having to deal with someone like me and of losing his idol.

Well, * sigh *you live you learn! Here's farewell to a superstar who changed the face of music! Goodbye MJ!

Copyright (C) Neha Shinde 2009