Over to MS...
MS : So Osama thanks for agreeing to be on our show and a special thanks for agreeing not to burn the port wine magnolia bush at the entrance of our studio, it cost us quite a tidy sum, in fact it’s more than what my producer pays me.
OBL: Salaam and sorry I know I got a little carried away. You see, I always get agitated with anything to do with bush. But since I had already completed my daily quota of bush burning, I was inclined to let this one go.
MS: Thanks ever so much for that .Now to our interview, the question on everybody’s mind is what made you go for the twin towers.
OBL: Well, it’s a long story. You see, as a child I travelled a lot by American Airlines. But these foolish people kept goofing up my meals, not allowing me extra baggage, not even my favourite kabuli chanas and then they made this huge fuss about me getting 2 lion cubs with me. It was not that I was being troublesome; I even offered to check them in with the rest of my luggage. But the lady just shrieked and kept screaming ‘twin terror ‘! Much ado about nothing really! I guess that’s how my hatred for anything ‘twin’ and ‘American’ began. The moment I saw those two towers, I knew I would get my revenge.
MS: Osama, you are the most hunted man on earth, how do you mange to hide yourself?
OBL: Well, I have to thank Bollywood for that. You see these Hindi directors are so fixated with featuring Osama in their movies; I always get to act my real self in at least half a dozen movies every year. Of course these guys don’t know they are hiring the real thing. In fact, I am in negotiation with a certain south director to make a movie with me in the lead. That’s one of the reasons I am in Bangalore. Of course, financing will not be a problem as we just got paid for a large ammunition consignment we delivered to a nefarious gang in Pakistan.
MS: But would someone make a movie on Osama?
OBL: If they can make one on Dawood Ibrahim why not me? I personally believe I have accomplished much more than him. My work speaks for myself.
MS: Let’s talk about your future plans. What do you plan to do next?
OBL : A lot really, apart from the movie, I also plan to write a book. In fact all this abducting of journalists that you keep hearing about is just a step in that direction. Since I am too busy to do my own writing, I am outsourcing them to these professionals.
Professionally too, it’s been a while since I did something. The job is not challenging anymore.
MS: (gasping in horror): Oh My god! You don’t mean the Rashtrapati Bhavan, do you ?
OBL: Oh no no ... (Blushing) I meant Rakhi Sawant !