Thursday, August 20, 2009

An Evening with Osama

Osama (of the Bin Laden variety) was spied on the busy Commercial Street in Bangalore last Saturday. He would have ideally escaped attention given the mask he was sporting like everyone else, thanks to the Swine Flu hype. But when he removed his mask to bite into a juicy kebab, he was invariably recognized. Mahavir Sanvi , the famous talk show host who happened to be there invited him to the studio for a quick chat.

Over to MS...

MS : So Osama thanks for agreeing to be on our show and a special thanks for agreeing not to burn the port wine magnolia bush at the entrance of our studio, it cost us quite a tidy sum, in fact it’s more than what my producer pays me.

OBL: Salaam and sorry I know I got a little carried away. You see, I always get agitated with anything to do with bush. But since I had already completed my daily quota of bush burning, I was inclined to let this one go.

MS: Thanks ever so much for that .Now to our interview, the question on everybody’s mind is what made you go for the twin towers.

OBL: Well, it’s a long story. You see, as a child I travelled a lot by American Airlines. But these foolish people kept goofing up my meals, not allowing me extra baggage, not even my favourite kabuli chanas and then they made this huge fuss about me getting 2 lion cubs with me. It was not that I was being troublesome; I even offered to check them in with the rest of my luggage. But the lady just shrieked and kept screaming ‘twin terror ‘! Much ado about nothing really! I guess that’s how my hatred for anything ‘twin’ and ‘American’ began. The moment I saw those two towers, I knew I would get my revenge.

MS: Osama, you are the most hunted man on earth, how do you mange to hide yourself?

OBL: Well, I have to thank Bollywood for that. You see these Hindi directors are so fixated with featuring Osama in their movies; I always get to act my real self in at least half a dozen movies every year. Of course these guys don’t know they are hiring the real thing. In fact, I am in negotiation with a certain south director to make a movie with me in the lead. That’s one of the reasons I am in Bangalore. Of course, financing will not be a problem as we just got paid for a large ammunition consignment we delivered to a nefarious gang in Pakistan.

MS: But would someone make a movie on Osama?

OBL: If they can make one on Dawood Ibrahim why not me? I personally believe I have accomplished much more than him. My work speaks for myself.

MS: Let’s talk about your future plans. What do you plan to do next?

OBL : A lot really, apart from the movie, I also plan to write a book. In fact all this abducting of journalists that you keep hearing about is just a step in that direction. Since I am too busy to do my own writing, I am outsourcing them to these professionals.

Professionally too, it’s been a while since I did something. The job is not challenging anymore.
But I have some plans and I don’t mind revealing that I have my eye on something starting with ‘R’ in India

MS: (gasping in horror): Oh My god! You don’t mean the Rashtrapati Bhavan, do you ?

OBL: Oh no no ... (Blushing) I meant Rakhi Sawant !
Copyright (C) Neha Shinde 2009


bles said...

i hope osama gets to read this, im sure he'll njoy doing so just like i did! :)

Neo said...

don't know what made you to write so bad on Osama... poor guy :)

Neha said...

@Bles:I have my doubts-I mean Osama ! But glad you enjoyed it.

Neha said...

@Neo-Bad ?! I made him human, he will appreciate that !

Xtie John said...

Plus - when did a nice girl like you started making fun of the dead? Unless - if you know that OBL is still alive - in which case, a few guys from good ol' Washington might pop in for your next interview.

Xtie John said...

And to help you further - forwarding this post to a few 'mulla's' I know. Look at the possibilities. You might get into a Jihad list. A few in the list have even won booker prizes! Good going!

Nice and easy read anyways.

Neha said...

@Xtie- Redirect your questions to MS.The poor guy has been in hiding ever since this post was published !

vortex said...

:D this is awesome... Really funny... especially the bush burning.. hahaha :)