Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Clinic Casualties !

It's strange how sometimes you write a bit on something , then work and life takes precedence and you totally forgot about it. Here's another post I had written probably a couple of years ago.

The past 10 days have confined me to limited space (a single bed) , limited activities ( checking office mails/replying them and internet surfing) ,limited food ( soups, milk, soups, milk , eggs, khichidi , milk ) and unlimited medicines, thanks to a bacterial infection that caused havoc in Yours Truly’s body by way of fever,throat pain and severe cough !

My mysterious malady, bought me in touch with two of my greatest fears, the hypodermic syringe and extraction of blood!

Well, it so happened that since my adamant fever refused to come down , my doctor suggested a blood test to rule out typhoid and malaria , which was a very noble act except for the naked fact that I have an irrational fear for the syringe and the sight of blood makes me weak . Now couple the two and I have a problem that makes the Iraq bombing look like fluffy clouds.

But doctor's orders are like the ten commandments that have to be obeyed at any cost ! And so I dragged my heavy feet on a bright Friday morning to Appollo Clinic to accomplish this mammoth task. My sister tagged along for moral support , which was lower than the sensex on 'Black Tuesday' .

To begin with things went pretty smooth, the medical attendant seated me comfortably in a chair and then tied my arm with a band to tighten the nerves. Then he dabbed some spirit on my arm and that did it ! That pungent smell unleashed a wimpy & weird creature in me that comes alive in such medical situations. I am not proud of it but I think I outdid Rakhi Saawant with my hysterics. I tried everything under the sun to evade that dreaded injection, right from pretend-fainting bouts to bribing the medical attendant to intimidating him. But the man was unmoved while my sister quickly moved to the end of the room and pretended she was with not with me.

After much deliberation and discussions, we finally decided on a fool proof plan. The medical attendant would be as gentle as possible, my sister would sing ‘Amazing Grace’ and I would try and allow them to do their jobs. I tightly screwed my eyes close and said those magical 3 words ‘Let us begin’.

Well, the room was flooded with a beautiful stream of ‘Amazing Grace’ with some occasional off-key notes contributed by me in my attempt to distract myself. Finally, towards the end of ‘Was blind, but now I see’ I opened my eyes and saw that the job was done with the Attendant triumphantly holding a syringe full of dark red liquid that once ran freely through my veins.
We all looked at each other with a look that must have been on Neil Amstrong’s face when he landed on the moon! Well, the medical attendant also had a look of relief on his face!

Some people conquer nations and scale mountains, I ,on the other hand braved the terrors of a clinic and returned shaken but wise ! Okay, I was exaggerating about the wise part !

So the next time you visit your doctor’s clinic remember Yours Truly and her brave exploits! And if it's Appollo Clinic, you might not want to mention me. I am not exactly popular there !!!


bles said...

i remember that day at the clinic a lil too well and i'm glad we never had to go back there!! (not that he wldve let u enter!!!! :P :P)
enjoyed reading through! its funny and nice! :)

Ketaki said...


Nirav Doshi said...

Nice idea there to post your new blog through e-mail... :-))... I *had* to read "more"... :-))

Glad to know Rani Laxmi Bai Shinde was able to brave such odds and scrape through with just a needle prick.

What happened after the victorious lab clinician tested your blood? Do you plan a sequel with the blood test results? ;-)) Anxiously waiting...

AJ said...

Some people conquer, some scale you have blood extraction done ... LMAO ...

Here's hoping you have tons more of needle pricks .. till the day you walk in unpetrubed and whistle away while the stupefounded medicos draws blood ....


Neha said...

@ Bles- Yeah , that's one place where we ain't welcome anymore !
@Ketaki- My sentiments exactly !
@Nirav- well, I might just toy with the sequel idea !
@AJ- Whooo.. I doubt if I would ever say amen to your of 'more of needle pricks'wish.One bitten twice shy !!!

Simon said...

I'm with you Neha. It's about time they could test for infections without poking holes in the body... you know, just like in Star Trek :) But if one needs to pump stuff INTO the body, well then that's a totally different discussion :p

Anonymous said...

I couldn't understand "the sunsex on 'Black Tuesday'" :).

Neha said...

@Simon - Yippeee, I knew I was not the only one !!! Thank God for like minded people ! Lets start a anti injection movement now !

@Anonymous/BK- Thanks for pointing out the typo- You are now officially my proof reader. Does a biryani a month entice you to take up this job ?

ZAB said...

LOL!! Funny!!