Out of Office

I was recently reading a mail on funny out of office messages and it made me wonder what the OOO messages of certain celebrities would be. Take a look .....

Ramalinga Raju – Hi, I am not in office anymore. But the time I was there I had a field day taking the investors, customers & employees on a trip! I will respond to your mail after I am back, that is if you haven’t killed yourself over the falling Satyam share prices.

Anil Ambani – I am out because of some gas problem.. no no its not THAT gas, its the other thing- gasoline. I will reply once I have made a bigger fool of myself in print and on television.

Shahrukh Khan – My name is Khan and for the record, I dislike airports, especially the ones in America. Anyways, I am not in office. In case you have any ideas on how can I get media mileage over trivial issues, I might consider replying your mail.

Jaswant Singh – I am not in office and it’s not my fault. It’s the crappy management- they are just not open to new ideas, whatever happened to secularism. Anyways, for any updates please follow me to my new office in Pakistan.

Dawood Ibrahim – I am on extended business travel and have intermittent access to email. I will reply to your mail once these interpool guys are less active.

Shahid Kapoor – I am forry I am not in office. Bufy with promoting my new movie. In cafe you want more information on my new movie 'Kaminey' , please call my fecratary and fhe will affift you.

Ekta Kapoor- Kyonki I am not in office, and you have a Khwaish to get in touch with me, but its your Karam that I am not there , so requesting you to wait patiently for my reply. I will reply. Kasam Se.

Harbhajan Singh- I am in the field watching some monkeys...No , not the cricket field, I mean the khet in sadda Punjab.And the mail you sent me better be important or else my right hand might just get out of control again.

Raj Thakre - I am out making crazy speeches at a Maharashtra Navnirman Sena meeting . If you are mailing to find out our navnirman plan for the state you are wasting your time, we don't have any . However, if you have any suggetions on how to make Maharashtra ony for Marathis , I will get back to you . If you are not a marathi manoos my goons will get back anyways.

Copyright(c) 2009 Neha Shinde

Classifying a tribe called 'Friends'

Last month we celebrated Friendship Day. When I say ‘we’ I mean the adolescents of our planet earth primarily concerned with hormonal changes and pimple problems, the young adults primarily concerned with career growth and promotions, the adults primarily concerned with tax skirting and property acquisition and of course Archies who made their usual buck by overcharging us for flimsy toys and sugary candies and overtly sentimental cards. ‘We’ does not include the senas of the world and the ‘I-am–beyond-this–foreign baloney’ sons of the soil

So, on this occasion or rather the occasion that has passed this year but shall arrive again next year to empty our shallow pockets, I made a humble attempt at classifying the tribe of friends we encounter in our endeavor to align to the ‘man is a social animal’ theory.

The Adventurer
This is the one to whom all the exciting things happen, be it getting free gift vouchers for participating in a silly survey at a mall or a chance meeting with Lara Dutta at an exclusive pub. The one who goes on short trips to Mexico and treks the Sahyadri in monsoon.

The Adventurer’s life makes yours look like a cactus living in the corner of a teacher’s backyard. The one you want to hang out with but never get to meet, because you always get his answering machine saying’ Hi, I am currently on vacation , leave a message and I’ll get back’ He never gets back !

The Whiner
This is the type whose sole ambition in life is to crib about anything and everything. Tends to finds fault with everything including his wife’s cooking, his cousin’s father-in-laws dogs barking, Angelina Jolie’s lifestyle and Sonia Gandhi’s hairstyle.

Tends to make absurd statements like how the failing monsoons have contributed to the loss of his sister-in-law’s cousin’s hair in Sidney. To be avoided if one is in a good mood or on one’s way to a party or movie.

The Informer
The information hub of everything conceivable. Is affectionately nicknamed named “Wiki’ by grateful recipients of trivia that he generously belts out. So, if you want to know what that nerdy guy in your biology class is doing right now, where you can get the best momos in Bangalore, who is Jennifer Aniston’s latest boyfriend or where can you get the best vacation deal to Goa - ‘wiki’ is the one to go to!

The Inquirer
Born with an insatiable curiosity, the Inquirer will tirelessly ask questions both personal and otherwise without any trace of embarrassment. What’s your salary? Where did you get these earrings? Did you see Sahid’s new movie? Are you seeing anyone? What did you do on Sunday?
Is a modern day adaptation of yesterday’s grandmother minus the wrinkles and the ability to make aam ka aachar.

Would be interesting to see how the Informer reacts to the Inquirer.

The Philosopher
Passes through life with an air of superiority and an open mockery of anything remotely materialistic. Easily identifiable by his long hair and flowing kurtas. Show him your new blackberry and he will look at it with disdain, then at you again with disdain , deeply sigh and make a comment ‘Ah, the price of connectivity! How much profitable to spend a day in the tulip fields and commune with nature ‘. Loves to debate on anything under the sun and tricks you into unwanted debates by asking ‘Define Success’ while you unsuspectingly tell him about the new job you just got.

To be tactfully handled by giving a copy of ‘Corpus Aristotelicum’ kept handy for such occasions

Copyright (C) 2009 Neha Shinde

A whiff of the past

Yesterday, I bought a perfumed deodorant from Nilgiris and its fragrance (citrus and floral) immediately transported me back to my college days in Belgaum when I swore by ‘Oriflame ‘

It’s uncanny, isn’t it? How certain smells bring specific memories and time periods to your mind.

Like every time I pass hawkers selling flowers on the footpath and I get a whiff of jasmine fragrance , I get reminded of my early childhood in Sholapur , where my dad’s sisters used to wear jasmine flowers ( called ‘gajra’ in Marathi) in their hair.

I love the smell of frying onions :) , I think it’s the most appetizing smell in the world! The smell of frying onions reminds me of home..Comfy and cozy home – a place where mom cooks the yummiest dishes , dad dispenses pearls of wisdom over a cup of chai , brother battles with me over the remote ( ya we still do that at our age ! ) and my sister and I exchange notes on fashion . Ah how I miss home!

Similarly, the smell of tea transports me to the time when I was in Pune living with my Grandma. I was working with Aptech as a counselor for about 3 months while I was waiting for my MBA admission. I used the famous tumtum ( six-seat auto to the uninformed ) for transport and on my way back, the auto stand which was next to a chai ki tapiri would get enveloped by a tantalizing smell of tea and frying pakodas and I would long to reach home to have my own cuppa .

The smell of lemons brings memories of my holidays in Sangli where my dad’s sister lived. She had a variety of fruit trees in her backyard including a lemon tree which produced oodles and oodles of lemons. My cousins and I had a gala time picking lemons, making nimbu paani, or just eating it with salt. Invariably, one of us would land up with a sore throat and my aunt would warn us from eating any more of those sour treats. But none of us cared and continued on our lemon eating spree much to her chagrin.

On to some commercial smells, the smell of Rasna reminds me of summers in Ludhiana where I grew up. I can visualize my brother and me on a hot summer afternoon, the fan on at its full capacity, reading Enid Blyton’s Famous Five and sipping on Rasna kala khatta .

Rooafzah again takes me back to a particular time when I had just started working after my MBA. I shared a flat with a few friends and we used to wash down our breakfast with Rooafzah. Not that we particularly enjoyed the taste but I had bought a bottle in a bust of health consciousness and was stuck with it, so my friends chipped in to finish off my misery quickly. Thank God for good friends !

Commercial or non commercial, it’s always wonderful to be transported to a place and time you left behind , Isn’t it?

Copyright(C) 2009 Neha Shinde